You have no idea what's going to happen with the relationship. Sometimes you just want to get out of it. Right. This. Minute. Then you can't get close enough. You're talking more than ever and things seem better. Then out of the blue, it hits you again and you feel just awful.

The questions keep coming:

  • How did you not see this sooner?
  • Will you ever get over this?
  • Will you ever be able to trust? To forgive?
  • And how do you know this won't happen again?
  • Are you a fool to even consider staying?

You'd do anything to go back to before this happened.

Getting the right kind of help as soon as possible is important. That's why it's so good you found the National Institute for Healthy Relationships.

Affair recovery is different here.

Most approaches to this involve three steps: understanding how this happened, requiring the offender to earn trust, and then working on the relationship. From the outside, that seems about right. But that formula sets people up for failure and, nine times out of ten, makes things worse.

Don't suffer more.

Effective Infidelity Treatment at the National Institute for Healthy Relationships takes a deeply respectful approach. It involves FIVE steps, and the first one cannot be skipped. It's during this Stage of Crisis Ambivalence that you'll learn the most important things:

  • how to respond to all the questions 
  • what to do with the pain
  • how to do no more harm. To yourself, the other person, or to the relationship.

You can do this with the right kind of support. Let's get started.

Reach out and let's start right away.

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Frequently Asked Questions

As the offender, it's natural to want to do what you can to help your partner right now. It's natural for them to want to know. It can definitely be muddy when it comes to answering questions and giving details. While there are some things you should share, other things are not helpful at all. Truthfully, the deciding factor is whether this information changes your partner's perception of the nature of the betrayal. Does that sound a little complicated? It can be. That's why it's important to enlist expert guidance. We're ready to help.

Real remorse gets demonstrated through actions. That said, it can be exhausting policing your partner's every move. Don't do that. Infidelity is almost always a violation of their own value system, so it's normal for them to respond with defensiveness. Don't take that as a sign of their earnestness to be in the relationship. If they are willing to address things in Effective Infidelity Treatment, there is hope. Affair Recovery is a process and it's some of the deepest healing you'll ever do. THIS BOOK is addressed to the offender and it can be really helpful for both of you. 

For most people, learning that their partner has been unfaithful is a traumatic experience. As such, the part of your brain associated with fight of flight (the amygdala) is on full alert. That's why it is completely normal that you'd have a hard time stopping those thoughts. In Effective Infidelity Treatment one of the things we consider is what to do with those thoughts. You'll learn real methods for managing your pain in the moment and develop coping skills to manage your distress. 

There's no hard and fast length of time it can take to recover after an affair. However, you can start making progress right away with the right approach. Some couples feel markedly better within months. Getting all the way through the Five Stages of Effective Infidelity Recovery takes most couples about two or so years. With other approaches, some people struggle five years or longer. And many relationships never get beyond it. Recovery here is unlike anything you've experienced before. When you graduate you are going to feel certain this will never happen again. And you'll have a relationship that is mutually satisfying and fulfilling.

The process of Effective Infidelity Treatment is designed to help with this very question. You'll clarify your values and desires. We'll examine what you want in the relationship. Either one of you can quit at any time, but if you're both willing, you absolutely will make it to the finish line. You'll know it's time to quit when you have nothing significant motivating you to continue. Don't worry, we take an honest look at your relationship and how you're each made and move through the world. If you're interested in having a healthy relationship, you've found the best place to learn how to do it. 

Let's get started.

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